Thank you for writing a Protestant perspective! If only the Catholics talk about it then the Protestants think it’s just a Catholic thing, rather than a Truth thing.
I am super excited to discover you and read this! (Pointed your way by Haley Baumeister.) The contraceptive, fertility-as-disease mindset has completely formed most Protestants’ minds, consciences, and lives without them being at all aware of it.
I fully agree that our obsession with autonomy, independence, and self-fulfilment have stood in the way of our receiving God’s good gift of children (as well as having driven some of us to the ends of the medical earth to *try to have* children). But another part of the tragedy is that for some of us, children can be a great path towards finding ourselves! That was my experience. Having kids was a huge part of discovering my autonomy/finding myself, in a functioning-as-a-whole-human way. They have given me purpose and helped me find my voice. Even while, yes, pushing the whole dying-to selfishness thing. Perhaps not the most common story, especially when people have children later, but still an important one to spread the word about.
Anyway I will read on with interest and, I assume, further agreement!
I agree! Children often help parents "find themselves." It has certainly been the case for me. I think this goes hand in hand with the idea of dying to self. It is in loosing who we once were that we find ourselves and find greater purpose/fulfillment.
This is beautiful , Shelby. As someone who previously was on birth control, felt convicted, and decided to “cold-turkey” the medication, I appreciate hearing a similar perspective. There is is much to be said about truly putting our faith in the Lord and trusting his will and judgement above our own. Sam and I have struggled to get pregnant despite medical and professional help to do so. The declining birth rate is saddening, and it is hard to see so many women the view their pregnancy, or chance of pregnancy, as a burden. I am so excited to continue to read this!!
Your right, there is much to be said for trusting the Lord in these matters but it is so hard - whether that’s longing for a child or fear at the prospect of one. I know that there are ways to help in the struggle to get pregnant but it still is in the hands of God and that can be so scary to trust. Praying for you both. I’m so glad this first part was beneficial for you and I hope the rest is too!!
Brilliant, Shelby! I’m eager for the rest! And moved 😭 The conviction that being a mother is one of the most precious gifts I’ve received is strengthened daily, and certainly in part due to friends like you who inspire that mind in me. Obviously everything you write here is very countercultural but desperately needs to be said. I’m honestly shocked when I read these statistics you’ve included, aware as I am about the general attitude towards children and large families. It grieves me! But I am comforted that through the power of the Gospel and Spirit fueled efforts like your own, hearts can be changed! I pray for many woman to joyfully become mothers, and for mothers to change the way we speak about motherhood and our children! Nothing is lost in light of what is gained!
You strengthen that conviction in me too!! It’s so good to have friends who do so and I’m so grateful to have other moms to walk beside. There’s something so unique in sharing those experiences. It’s a kind of closeness I haven’t really experienced before. Such a gift from God! I do think that the change in attitude starts with us. With the way that we speak about our children - of course to the world but particularly to other believers as well.
Along with temporary contraception, I am deeply concerned about the permanent sterilization that has become commonplace among Christian peers, and generally accepted among Christian culture for when a couple is “done”. There are levels to my concern, but I suppose a culture that deems temporary contraception normal would have no problem with the permanent kind once a couple is "done". Again, there is so much to unpack in our treatment of our bodies, our married sexuality, what we think we're owed, the reality of suffering, of children we may not have otherwise wanted, and our acceptance of anything less than full and total control in this area of life (and there are morally troubling lengths we can go to in the *opposite* direction of control, as well, when separating procreation from the unity of spouses to *achieve* a pregnancy..... but I digress.)
This whole issue is deeply theological, and warrants appropriate attention.
Thank you so much for writing this! I commend you for your boldness in doing so. My own story and experience has some overlap with yours. It was primarily by reading and learning from Catholics over the course of years that I found my body to be good, my fertility to be a gift, this area of life worth more than surface-level consideration. 🤍
It is so interesting how casual people are about permanent sterilization. My OB office has a poster up (next to a healthy pregnancy poster of course) listing the different birth control options and it is truly mind boggling to see it listed as just another thing one can do. Obviously sterilization has huge ramifications on one's understanding of marriage, but it also has huge physical ramifications on the body. Especially the female body. I often wonder if people stop to consider how "turning off" a part of their body affects their overall physical and spiritual health.
I actually was introduced to the theological problems of birth control by a fellow Southern Baptist! But after taking a much deeper dive into fertility and TOB I too learned mostly from Catholics. That is one reason I felt compelled to put down my view as a Protestant - to demonstrate that these ideas about the body do not belong only to one branch of the Church but rather are Scriptural, therefore belonging to all of us as believers.
Thank you for your feedback! I enjoy your newsletter so much!
I’m not convinced that current fertility rates aren’t in fact part of the trend that started, as you say, in the 19th century. It seems to me that whether the primary enabler of having fewer children is a lower child mortality rate or the availability of chemical contraception, ultimately the fact remains: when given the option, most people choose fewer children.
In my Millennial experience, men my age are as motivated to avoid pregnancy as women, and they will always have the pullout method to rely on - it has similar pregnancy prevention success as condoms. If chemical birth control disappeared tomorrow, I imagine the birth rate would change slightly, but not much.
I do think you have a point that the continuing decline of fertility *may* be linked to declining childhood mortality. However, many developing countries, where death is a less sanitized reality, have higher birthrates that Western and Asian nations. There is something to be said that even in the face of death, and the grief of loosing a child, people still kept trying for more children (and still had more children than couples now who never loose a child). Now many don't try at all.
While the two trends may be connected, I think contraceptives have done much more to contribute toward a more hostile attitude toward children. Thus rendering both men and women less likely to want them. There will always be methods to keep from having a child, even if hormonal contraceptives disappeared - as you stated. But should the birth rate remain the same were they to disappear it would be because our cultural attitude toward children has shifted.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! The connection toward the 19th century downward trend and the modern trend is fascinating.
Congrats on your third!! I 100 % agree - there are very valid reasons for spacing out pregnancies. My primary argument is that abstinence, specifically within the window of ovulation, is the most consistent with a Christian understanding of marriage. I think this best honors God’s vision of marriage.
There certainly is something very strange and very modern (!!!) about eschewing children within marriage. The two are fundamentally and theologically connected and I think that’s a beautiful thing!
Thank you for writing a Protestant perspective! If only the Catholics talk about it then the Protestants think it’s just a Catholic thing, rather than a Truth thing.
Yes exactly!!
I am super excited to discover you and read this! (Pointed your way by Haley Baumeister.) The contraceptive, fertility-as-disease mindset has completely formed most Protestants’ minds, consciences, and lives without them being at all aware of it.
I fully agree that our obsession with autonomy, independence, and self-fulfilment have stood in the way of our receiving God’s good gift of children (as well as having driven some of us to the ends of the medical earth to *try to have* children). But another part of the tragedy is that for some of us, children can be a great path towards finding ourselves! That was my experience. Having kids was a huge part of discovering my autonomy/finding myself, in a functioning-as-a-whole-human way. They have given me purpose and helped me find my voice. Even while, yes, pushing the whole dying-to selfishness thing. Perhaps not the most common story, especially when people have children later, but still an important one to spread the word about.
Anyway I will read on with interest and, I assume, further agreement!
I agree! Children often help parents "find themselves." It has certainly been the case for me. I think this goes hand in hand with the idea of dying to self. It is in loosing who we once were that we find ourselves and find greater purpose/fulfillment.
This is beautiful , Shelby. As someone who previously was on birth control, felt convicted, and decided to “cold-turkey” the medication, I appreciate hearing a similar perspective. There is is much to be said about truly putting our faith in the Lord and trusting his will and judgement above our own. Sam and I have struggled to get pregnant despite medical and professional help to do so. The declining birth rate is saddening, and it is hard to see so many women the view their pregnancy, or chance of pregnancy, as a burden. I am so excited to continue to read this!!
Your right, there is much to be said for trusting the Lord in these matters but it is so hard - whether that’s longing for a child or fear at the prospect of one. I know that there are ways to help in the struggle to get pregnant but it still is in the hands of God and that can be so scary to trust. Praying for you both. I’m so glad this first part was beneficial for you and I hope the rest is too!!
Brilliant, Shelby! I’m eager for the rest! And moved 😭 The conviction that being a mother is one of the most precious gifts I’ve received is strengthened daily, and certainly in part due to friends like you who inspire that mind in me. Obviously everything you write here is very countercultural but desperately needs to be said. I’m honestly shocked when I read these statistics you’ve included, aware as I am about the general attitude towards children and large families. It grieves me! But I am comforted that through the power of the Gospel and Spirit fueled efforts like your own, hearts can be changed! I pray for many woman to joyfully become mothers, and for mothers to change the way we speak about motherhood and our children! Nothing is lost in light of what is gained!
You strengthen that conviction in me too!! It’s so good to have friends who do so and I’m so grateful to have other moms to walk beside. There’s something so unique in sharing those experiences. It’s a kind of closeness I haven’t really experienced before. Such a gift from God! I do think that the change in attitude starts with us. With the way that we speak about our children - of course to the world but particularly to other believers as well.
So beautifully said! I hope many women get the chance to read this. I look forward to reading the rest!
Thanks for the encouragement Chloe!!
Along with temporary contraception, I am deeply concerned about the permanent sterilization that has become commonplace among Christian peers, and generally accepted among Christian culture for when a couple is “done”. There are levels to my concern, but I suppose a culture that deems temporary contraception normal would have no problem with the permanent kind once a couple is "done". Again, there is so much to unpack in our treatment of our bodies, our married sexuality, what we think we're owed, the reality of suffering, of children we may not have otherwise wanted, and our acceptance of anything less than full and total control in this area of life (and there are morally troubling lengths we can go to in the *opposite* direction of control, as well, when separating procreation from the unity of spouses to *achieve* a pregnancy..... but I digress.)
This whole issue is deeply theological, and warrants appropriate attention.
Thank you so much for writing this! I commend you for your boldness in doing so. My own story and experience has some overlap with yours. It was primarily by reading and learning from Catholics over the course of years that I found my body to be good, my fertility to be a gift, this area of life worth more than surface-level consideration. 🤍
It is so interesting how casual people are about permanent sterilization. My OB office has a poster up (next to a healthy pregnancy poster of course) listing the different birth control options and it is truly mind boggling to see it listed as just another thing one can do. Obviously sterilization has huge ramifications on one's understanding of marriage, but it also has huge physical ramifications on the body. Especially the female body. I often wonder if people stop to consider how "turning off" a part of their body affects their overall physical and spiritual health.
I actually was introduced to the theological problems of birth control by a fellow Southern Baptist! But after taking a much deeper dive into fertility and TOB I too learned mostly from Catholics. That is one reason I felt compelled to put down my view as a Protestant - to demonstrate that these ideas about the body do not belong only to one branch of the Church but rather are Scriptural, therefore belonging to all of us as believers.
Thank you for your feedback! I enjoy your newsletter so much!
I’m not convinced that current fertility rates aren’t in fact part of the trend that started, as you say, in the 19th century. It seems to me that whether the primary enabler of having fewer children is a lower child mortality rate or the availability of chemical contraception, ultimately the fact remains: when given the option, most people choose fewer children.
In my Millennial experience, men my age are as motivated to avoid pregnancy as women, and they will always have the pullout method to rely on - it has similar pregnancy prevention success as condoms. If chemical birth control disappeared tomorrow, I imagine the birth rate would change slightly, but not much.
I do think you have a point that the continuing decline of fertility *may* be linked to declining childhood mortality. However, many developing countries, where death is a less sanitized reality, have higher birthrates that Western and Asian nations. There is something to be said that even in the face of death, and the grief of loosing a child, people still kept trying for more children (and still had more children than couples now who never loose a child). Now many don't try at all.
While the two trends may be connected, I think contraceptives have done much more to contribute toward a more hostile attitude toward children. Thus rendering both men and women less likely to want them. There will always be methods to keep from having a child, even if hormonal contraceptives disappeared - as you stated. But should the birth rate remain the same were they to disappear it would be because our cultural attitude toward children has shifted.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! The connection toward the 19th century downward trend and the modern trend is fascinating.
Congrats on your third!! I 100 % agree - there are very valid reasons for spacing out pregnancies. My primary argument is that abstinence, specifically within the window of ovulation, is the most consistent with a Christian understanding of marriage. I think this best honors God’s vision of marriage.
There certainly is something very strange and very modern (!!!) about eschewing children within marriage. The two are fundamentally and theologically connected and I think that’s a beautiful thing!