March in Review
It’s been quite some time since I’ve done an “in review” sort of post. And these are my favorite. So, post-baby, here we are again.
Life Lately
March 1 we had an eight day old and had been home for six days. My parents had just left town and we were left with the new reality of parenting two under two with just us two. My husband went back to work about a week after that and it’s been just me with the kiddos. The initial days alone were an adjustment. Obviously lol. I thrive on a good morning routine and that was out the window. I felt very dis-regulated and disheveled as our days didn’t seem to start until 11:00, between breakfast, nursing, clean up, and getting dressed. Getting to nap time was key. Once the toddler napped the day reset and the rest seemed to be easier.
I’ve since learned that if I get dressed, get on a little mascara, make my bed, shuffle around the house doing those various tasks that pile up in the morning (laundry on the bedroom chair, breakfast dishes in the sink from husband’s extra early day), and start breakfast (if I’m lucky!) all before the toddler is out of her crib, the day goes 90% smoother. There are still hiccups, and sometimes I’m cracking eggs one handed with the baby in the other arm, but overall this helps me feel like the adult in the room lol. Something about still being in pajamas while both babies are crying and there are dirty dishes in the sink really just makes one feel somewhat despairing of ever truly moving on with the day.
This new life has made me ponder the hidden nature of much of motherhood. Particularly early motherhood. With just the toddler, Baby A, I was able to leave the house at least once a day. We got coffee together, went to the library, the grocery store, the park, etc. The coffee shop now is a complete no-go. I tried to go to the library, my naivety painting an idealistic picture of the baby napping peacefully in the wrap and Baby A trotting behind faithfully while we browsed the shelves… not sitting on the floor and screaming when I try to hold her hand and then running through the shelves giggling. That trip ended with a screaming toddler, an apparently expired library card (the cherry on top), and lots of sweat for an air conditioned building. My life, at least for this season, is primarily at home. (Except for the never ending pediatrician visits, I swear we had one every week between the newborn and the toddler this month.) This is where my work is. This is where my heart is. My life now is tucked away from much of the world. Rather than resenting this, I want to learn to revel in it - especially now that we have officially decided that Georgia is our home for the foreseeable future.
My husband took a position at the church we attend (his dream job, working with our pastors whom he admires and whose friendship he has enjoyed for years). He has desired to be in ministry longer than I’ve known him. And since I’ve met him has been working toward that goal. It is so exciting to see his preparations coming to fruition in our own local church among believers who we have done life beside. Having him get to work in ministry without having to change our community… seriously the biggest blessing. We love our church.
But it was a hard decision to make at nine months pregnant and then postpartum. My family lives several states away and we are very close with them. The desire for our children to grow up with their aunts, uncle, and several grandparents nearby is strong. To have a tight knit family of believers is a rare blessing. Making the choice to remain further away was difficult and in some ways I’m still grieving that loss. But I’ve been pondering the love that initially drove me to move across the country to be closer to my husband (then boyfriend) and how that love now requires that I stay. C.S. Lewis, in Mere Christianity, speaks of the “being in love” as a noble feeling that propels one to make commitments. It does well, in these times when I recall what I gave up when I moved, to recall the deep love and trust that my husband was worth all of this leaving (and he is a thousand times so). That initial passion propelled me into a lifetime of new commitments.
I think this principle applies to our church community too. The admiration we initially had for our church when we began attending there (i.e. great preaching, doctrinal alignment, kind souls), has grown into a deeper love with closer fellowship, and this deeper love keeps us anchored there. That doesn’t mean staying is always easy, but it does mean that staying is good and life giving and right.
It has been a month of much change, a new chapter just as the world springs to life again, but God is good, and I trust his purposes for our little family.
Babies
I mainly highlighted the hard things above. Here are some beautiful moments from motherhood in March.
Toddler hugs, hearing “mom-ee, mom-ee, mom-ee”, stuffed animal snuggles, rereading and rereading books, sweet milky baby breath, nursing cuddles in the morning, trusting newborn eyes, the toddler’s excitement over “baby” and her mimicry of my behavior with her own dolls, soft newborn skin and nuzzles, cuddles in the baby wrap, hair just now long enough for ponytails, tiny tiny laundry…
Books
Becoming Elisabeth Eliot
I always had an image in my mind of Elisabeth’s Eliot’s apparent stoicism after her husband’s death from when I read Through Gates of Splendor. This image has always unsettled me. The promise of the Resurrection does mean we hope in Christ but it doesn’t mean we don’t weep at tragedy. So, in reading this biography, I was pleasantly surprised to meet a woman of serious depth of feeling. A woman who contradicted my initial image of her. A woman who knew how to submit to the will of the Lord even when she wrestled with it in her heart. Looking forward to reading the second biography about her later years.
Sense and Sensibility
I’m just now noticing that many people I follow on Goodreads gave this only three stars, which is funny because upon this second read I think this might be my new favorite Austen! While it might seem heavy handed to some, the contrast between Elinor and Marianne’s characters is fascinating. It is fairly obvious that Austen is biased toward Elinor’s nature as the more mature of the two, and there is certainly some merit to this. Her virtue of silent suffering, or keeping her lips closed when it would be easy to burst out with the injustice of it all, is inspiring.
Also, Colonel Brandon is such a good man.
And also, I’m still somewhat baffled that the Dashwoods are more bothered by Willoughby’s selfishness than his seduction.
The Heart is a Lonely Hunter
Carson McCullers was also a Georgian and her story of a mill town in middle Georgia made the historic landscape come to life. It is interesting how literature in familiar settings opens one’s heart to the people around them. It reminds me that those around me have lives are intricate as my own. Which reminds me of this George Eliot quote from Middlemarch (which I wrote about recently!):
“If we had a keen vision and feeling of all ordinary human life, it would be like hearing the grass grow and the squirrel's heart beat, and we should die of that roar which lies on the other side of silence.”
Coffees
As the pregnancy hormones ware off my coffee appetite has come back - yay! Occasionally I have a little coffee before breakfast, but I have stuck with my pregnancy habit of drinking coffee after my first meal. Espresso has been my go to rather than drip coffee lately and it’s a nice treat to look forward to after a chaotic first few hours of the day.
Orange Cardamom Syrup - this syrup was unique and I’m always looking for new flavors to experiment with! It’s extremely easy to make and adds an interesting taste to your typical latte. I’ve been enjoying it iced.
Salted Honey Cinnamon Latte - a pinch of salt, a tablespoon or so of honey, and a dash of cinnamon go a long way in terms of flavor. I enjoy this over ice and usually do just a little bit less milk.
Cappuccino - one can never go wrong with a good cappuccino. This is usaully my drink of choice.
Recipes
I, unfortunately, have nothing new to offer in the dinner department this month, having lived off of meal trains and one pot meals. Hopefully I’ll be back in the kitchen in a more creative way soon!
But I did discover this sugar cookie recipe that’s divine. I changed up the recipe and added lemon extract and grated lemon peel and it was amazing. They’re made with cake flour and are melt in your mouth perfect.
Not sure where this fits in today’s post, so I’ll say it here - Hu’s Dark Sea Salt Chocolate is amazing. And dark chocolate has some health benefits so I don’t feel too bad in a little indulgence!
Starting this week, I’ll be dairy free for a while to rule out a dairy allergy in Baby P. Friends I live on milk and cheese. I’m afraid I’ll wither away. If you have any good whole food recommendations for protein and fat outside of dairy, please say so below!!
March in Photos
I love your perspective Shelbs:)